i'm tired of having to keep my mouth shut to prevent making things worse at home
i'm tired of not having anyone to vent my feelings to- i can't say anything at home, and my friends don't really know how to help me. even if i just tell them that i need to vent i feel like i'm bothering them so i dont even say anything anymore
i'm tired of losing more and more things every year that i live
i'm tired of having to constantly ignore reality just to avoid feeling like shit.
i really want to end it all. i really do. after all, i don't have much of a future ahead. i pretty much have no will to live at this point but as much as i want to kill myself, i can't.
because i don't wanna ruin their lives. my parents'. after everything we've lost i'm all they have left. and i don't wanna take that away from them. even if staying alive means suffering... i have to live for their sake. not my own. for that, i continue to suffer without having anyone to help me or listen to me.